Timeout

I have a confession...I am a non-blogger (thank you Ericka for helping me see that). Those of you who know me well know that I am much better at starting things than finishing (ask me how many books I am reading right now)...you mean the point of setting this thing up was so that I could write something??

Sorry folks...I will work on it.

So...here is the latest

I am in timeout. Yep, that's right, TIMEOUT. You know, the common discipline of choice these days? That is where I am...and the Lord has put me here. I know that it is for my good, but like all discipline, it is not pleasant while in the midst of it.

Some people call this the desert, others call it the wilderness, a dry spell, even a dark night of the soul. All I know is that my emotions have run the gammut. Fear, Anger, Frustration, Desperation, Sadness. Have you been in that place where EVERYTHING is dry? The place where your treasure, the Lord of your life, is not even a desire? Oh my heart aches to even write that.

I miss Him, I love Him, but it is SO difficult to spend time with Him, and SO much easier to avoid Him. And, I'm mad. I'm mad that I am in timeout. I want to be laughing and playing and DO-ing. I am a doer and I have been "doing" nothing. And...as you can see I am definitely resembling my 6 year old throwing a temper tantrum in the corner. Ouch! How horrible to realize how I struggle and fight against the Lord.

As I write this, the parent in me is reminded of the point of timeout. Timeout is good. Timeout removes a child from the situation (possibly even a dangerous one) and gives the child TIME to become quiet, settle down, and reflect on what he has done wrong. Why am I refusing to sit before the Lord quietly? Deep down...I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what He will ask of me, what I will have to do or keep doing for Him, or in this case, NOT DO. I'm afraid to see myself as I really am.

Lord, I beg you to change my heart. I confess, I have been fighting You and I am sorry. Please accomplish Your work in me. Please help me to be grateful that You discipline me. Please help me have confidence that all of this is because of Your great love for me. Please help me to trust You. Please help me to sit quietly before You. Please help me help me to walk by faith and make baby steps toward You. Help me to ENJOY YOU!

Luci

Hebrews 12:4-12
4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."[a]

7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.