View of the Father

One of the small group questions this weekend at our church's Recovery program was "What historically has been your relationship with God?"

Historically, my relationship with God has been a view of God being somewhere "out there." A distant God that was only concerned with what I am doing right and doing wrong. My view has been that He is happy when I am doing good and angry when I am not. I have always had a difficult time grasping how personal He is and how much He loves me (as I am) and as my pastor says...not some future version of me. In other words...the abundance of His LAVISH GRACE in Christ!

As I said in my earlier post, I have been struggling with anxiety and depression lately...and the Lord is so sweetly showing me that part of my problem is my incorrect view of Him and His character.

This is how He spoke to me this weekend...

First...I have heard the story of the Prodigal son 3x since Friday...yep, you read correctly...3x! Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Each time, the Lord emphasized to me that the Father was watching for the son to return and even while the son "was a long way off", the Father ran to him and embraced and kissed him." How powerful to know that even when we go our own way, the Father is always watching us and longing for our return...and that HE RUNS to us and EMBRACES us!

Second...talking to a girl this weekend, she shared how much she struggles with trying to do things right, be perfect, get right with God. I was overwhelmed with sadness as she spoke as I literally felt the amazing love that God has for her and how much it hurts him that she cannot see it. Yes, I know, ironic :) As soon as I realized the irony, I asked the Lord, is this how you feel about me? I'm sure you can guess His answer.

Third...church this morning. 2 songs during worship just spoke God's love for me. Come Ye Sinners has a part that says "I will arise and go to Jesus, He will embrace me in His arms...I was reminded of the Father in the story of the prodigal son and how he embraced his son. Second...Jesus Savior Pilot Me...this was a song played at our wedding. Just an awesome reminder to trust Him to pilot me.

Lord, I thank you for Your peace, patience and love. I love you. Thank you for being faithful to finish the good work you have started in me. Help me to rest and trust in You and You alone.

- Luci

Philippians 1:5-6
5because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Weeping may last for a night, but JOY comes in the morning...

The last several months have been extremely dark for me. I have been battling almost daily depression and anxiety/panic attacks. My inner world has been dominated by fear. There were times I truly did not think I could take even one more minute. There were times that my heart burned in pain within me. There were times that the pressure was so great, I thought I might be crushed....BUT

THE LORD IS FAITHFUL. HE IS...even through my lack of faith, unbelief, and fear, HE has NEVER left my side. He is kind and gentle and has provided rest for my soul. He has never allowed more than I can bear. He has strengthened me, He has raised up prayer warriors (thank you!!), He is conquering my pride, self dependence, understanding (my ways), fear, and incorrect views of Him and of myself and is gaining victory at every turn. He is a victorious warrior against everything He finds displeasing in me. He is my comfort, my ROCK, my salvation, my everything.

Jesus thank you for being THE TRUTH that sets me free. Thank you for opening Your Word for me this morning and showing me You. I surrender ALL Please help me want more of You.

Jesus You are amazing and I am so grateful to belong to you. I love and praise You.

-Luci

Psalm 30:5
For his anger is but for a moment,and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night,but joy comes with the morning.

New Poetry Blog

Now that lenten season is upon us, I thought I'd post all my poetry inspired by the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ. Follow the link below if you want to be inspired and/or challenged. I know it will because my own poetry inspires and challenges me. LOL. I love you all and pray that God will make His great love and sacrifice more real to you.

http://godsbard.blogspot.com/

-Robert

TADAAAA!! SURPRISE!

Did I ever mention that I am a horrible procrastinator??? I am trying desperately to blog at least once a month...so does 10:52pm on 2/29 count as an entry for February?? Some of my blog friends (shh..Andrea) say that I only blog quarterly. Not SO :) I am a MONTHLY blogger! :)

So...now, what do I blog about???

It is now 11:10...I'm not doing so hot on blogging. I think this is why I only blog quarterly.

Ok, Luci, pick a subject.

Idolatry

I know, weighty subject.

I went to LifeWay Christian tonight to try to find a CD for my kids. In fact, I felt sure that I was being led there specifically for that purpose. Imagine my surprise when they did not have the CD I was looking for...

So, with my children involved in a Veggie Tales movie and my husband lost in the bargain CD aisle, I decided to wander and "find" the CD I knew had to be there. I spotted the clearance rack. "Aha!" I thought. Maybe the CD has been discontinued. I looked through all the CD's to no avail. At this point, I somewhat dejectedly began to let go of the idea that I had heard from the Lord on going to Lifeway for the CD. Maybe He wants me here for something else??

So, CD forgotten, I began to wander again. This time I find myself in the Bible study section. I slowly walk up and down the aisles, pondering the shear volume of Bible studies available then aimlessly thinking about all the time collectively it took all the authors to write all of these books (ok, I know deep thoughts in the book store). Anyway...a Bible study catches my eye. It is a study on prayer by Jim Cymbala. "Cool," I think to myself. I like Jim Cymbala. Maybe this is why the Lord sent me here. I flip through the pages...Nothing. Hmmm, I think. I've never read his book Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire. Maybe I am supposed to buy that. Hmmm, still no Holy Spirit confirmation.

I still cannot shake the feeling that I am supposed to be in this store (obviously not for a kids CD or a Jim Cymbala book). Beginning to give up, I turn to go find my husband. As soon as I turn, a Bible study titled No Other Gods: Confronting our Modern-Day Idols by Kelly Minter catches my eye. I immediately dismiss it thinking "huh, probably a book about technology, TV, sports, shopping, etc...I don't really struggle with those things (YUCK PRIDE). I start to walk away, but something (HOLY SPIRIT), made me turn back to flip through it. Needless to say, this was "the ONE" He had for me.

I have been struggling a lot with idolatry lately (husband, children, myself, etc) and have REALLY been struggling with fear.

Check out an excerpt from the Bible study on fear...

"I've been pondering something this week in regard to today's study: whether fear itself is an idol or the bond that attaches us to our idols. Initially, I thought of fear as a definite false god because of its power to rule us, drive our decisions, and dictate our actions. Bottom line--fear motivates, therefore it must be an idol, or so I thought.

But, I kept thinking...fear isn't something we want in our lives; no one likes to be afraid...We don't seek after fear. To the contrary, we drown our fears with things like alcohol, escape, entertainment and denial. For the most part we are afraid of being afraid. So perhaps fear isn't a primary god but the guard that stands outside the castle where the primary god lives. In other terms, fear protects our idols.

As my husband would say "YIKES!!" This hit me like a ton of bricks. Thank you Lord. Can't wait to see what You have in store for me. I love you Lord!!

Psalm 62:1-2
My soul finds rest in God alone. My salvation comes from Him.
He is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress. I will never be shaken.

Just checking in...

Hi there...bet you wonder what's been going on the last several months. Lots of changes going on in our lives, so thought I would catch you up.

In August, Robert and I began praying that the Lord would give us a vision, a direction to begin moving. We have felt very strongly about taking our first year of marriage to just chill, get to know each other, and focus on our family, but we still wanted the Lord to show us a direction to go.

***Quick sidenote...In case you aren't married out there...I STRONGLY suggest taking this time if possible...strip your lives of as much busyness...even "Christian" busyness...it is actually Biblical...Praise God!!. Merging two lives...and in our case four...is just plain messy.

Shortly after we began praying, Robert felt like we should check out our church's new campus in Denton...awesome church...check it out http://www.thevillagechurch.net/. I was curious but didn't think much about it. The second weekend the church was open, we visited and both felt very strongly that this was where the Lord wanted us. We went back the second week and have been going there ever since.

The Lord has VERY graciously given us a joint vision in answer to our prayer. Since changing to the Denton campus, the Lord has given us the desire to move to Denton and has guided me to pursue a teaching certificate and eventually a teaching job with Denton ISD. We are currently working on fixing up our house in Lewisville and plan on putting it on the market in the next couple of months. As for the teaching certificate...I have found an on-line program and have recently begun the coursework...very exciting and somewhat scary...I am hoping to teach 4th grade...can't wait!!

Much love to all...P.S. We have a home computer now...don't know if that will help my blogging frequency...but we'll see :)

Enjoy

Wherever you are today, Enjoy...

The Lord reminded me of this today. So often, I fail to see His gifts and His goodness. The very things I have been fighting Him on...turn out to be an opportunity to enjoy Him and all that He has given me.

Do you know that He has you right where you are for a reason? Do you know that everything you are going through right now is for your good and will draw you closer to HIM? Do you know how much HE loves you??? How very much He desires to spend time with YOU? Do you know the lengths He will go to to pursue you? Do you know that He will not let ANYTHING stand between you?

Lord, thank You for the glimpse you gave me of YOU today! Thank you for drawing me closer. Thank you for reminding me to Enjoy You and see You in everything. Thank you for changing my heart.

- Luci

P.S. Did you know that the Serenity Prayer has a second stanza? Amazing words...

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

I Learned a New Word Today

This morning while I was talking to my (usually) sweet wife, she had what I understand to be "a meltdown". A meltdown is mysterious and unfathomable to the male of the species, but I have learned a few things not to do:
1) Never ask, "Are you having a meltdown?"
2) Never lay the entire blame for the meltdown-causing incident on the "melter"
3)Do not respond to highly emotional questions with silence.
4)Do not respond to highly emotional questions with speech.
5)Yes, I know 4 and 5 don't jive but that is what makes it a meltdown.
6)Never try to end the meltdown conversation too early.
7)Saying "I'll pray for you" is not a cure-all
8)It is impossible to solve the meltdown-causing problem during the meltdown conversation.
Now for the benefits of enduring and surviving a meltdown. (having been humbled and broken by God and making up)
1)Sanity returns 2-6 hours later
2)The meltdown-causing problem is easier to solve post-meltdown
3)Repenting to your spouse is sooo much fun! LOL
4)It builds patience
5)It builds trust
6)It builds faith
7)It builds LOVE
8)God works all meltdowns together for the good of those who love Him
9)Make-up kisses!
I'm still new at this, but I'm better equipped for the next one. Note to the guys: Meltdowns WILL happen. Wishing them away is delusional. Embracing the opportunity to grow is wise. My wife and I are commited to growing in our knowledge of one another. We know that we will only grow closer in the difficult times. Thank you Lord.
-Robert